Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Tony Blair's toenail clippings

Tony Blair is very difficult to pin down. Is he an evil genius? Or is he just a fool?

Most of the evidence - eg the systematic destruction of the socialist principles of the Labour party, his distant relationship from the truth, his wholesale abuse of the present participle (“Continuing in making Britain a better place for living” etc) and his delight in adventures like the Iraq war - indicate that he’s more bad than brainless, but every so often something will suggest at least a few leaves on his internal tracks - if not a full points and signals break down.

Take the new book by journalist Paul Scott. He claims that Cherie Blair submitted her husband's toenails to Jack Temple, a health guru with an interesting line in "dowsing."

Jack Temple (now deceased) makes a cameo appearance in the Joy Of Sects thanks to his relationship with Cherie's other famous friend, 'lifestyle guru' Carole Caplin, ex-of Exegesis (a fascinating early 80s group dedicated to 're-birthing' its members in singularly combative counselling sessions and, if you give any credence to murky rumour, also into group-sex).

Annoyingly, I hadn't heard the detail about the toenails when I was writing. But, I'm delighted notice has been brought to it now.

If what Scott says is true, the implications are incredible: judgements about UK government have been made on the basis of what a man said after waving a stick over clippings from the Prime Minister's toenails.

Scott also claims that Mr Blair still talks regularly on the phone to Caplin. And that Caplin used to wash Cherie while she was in the bath.

It's enough to make you almost like Princess Anne - since Scott also claims that when the Prime Minister's wife approached the horse-faced royal and said "Do call me Cherie," the princess replied: "Actually, let's not go that way; let's stick to Mrs Blair."


GayGordon said...

Oi! hands off our PM! Tony ain't brainless or bad. He's a smashing fella with many well thought out programmes. Who else could have so rapidly purged Britain of the evils of fox hunting? Or brought peace to Mesopotamia? Or created the economic miracle of rapidly-rising house prices, thereby allowing us to get free stuff in Dixons? He built Wayne Rooney for us in his subterranean laboratory! His charming personality reclaimed the ashes for england! and his toenails taste of lemon sorbet. The man's a f-ing genius.

gaywilliamthetory said...

gaygordon? what are you trying to imply there?

Anonymous said...

It's well known: Tony Blair's a lizard man!

I'm not sure about Gordon though, he's probably still a tadpole.